Dealing with questions and comments from strangers can be one of the most frustrating aspects of life as a blind person or the family member of a blind person. Most people who comment or ask questions are well-meaning and are usually trying to express sympathy or become comfortable with blindness. For the blind person, the onslaught of comments and questions during a dinner outing or trip to the store can feel like an invasion of privacy or personal space. Some parents of blind children have begun to cry when strangers comment about their "sleepy babies". A question as simple as "Why does she wear those thick glasses?" can make the parent of a child who is blind relive the entire first few months of the child's life while trying to explain. People with low vision may feel stigmatized when a stranger sees them looking closely at something and asks, "Are you blind or something?"
Despite the feelings invoked by these questions and comments, many people feel that it is the blind person's responsibility to educate others about blindness. Unless we do this, attitudes about blindness will not change and opportunities for blind people to become fully participating members of the community will not increase. Coping with the emotional impact of public attitudes while continuing to educate others is a delicate balance. As a blind person, I have found that some strategies help me to do this successfully.
Plan your outings that encounters with curious people are less likely. I find it difficult to deal with some people's insistance on greeting my dog guide despite my requests that they not speak to her. Because I have found that many of these people shop for groceries at certain times, I schedule other times to do my grocery shopping--usually during hours when the store is fairly empty. I also plan so that I can reschedule my shopping trip if I'm not feeling up to responding positively to incidents which tend to upset me.
Try to leave yourself some time to relax before leaving the house so that you can collect your thoughts and feelings. Being aware of where you are going and who you may encounter can help you prepare mentally and emotionally to respond in a positive way. For example, I know that when I attend church I will encounter many young children who will want to pet the dog or ask questions. Leaving myself a few minutes to think before leaving for church allows me to plan ways of helping them understand the role of the dog in my life and formulate potential responses to their questions.
It is not necessary to reveal anything you don't wish to reveal or to discuss issues which you feel are personal. A simple explanation that glasses help a person to maximize a small amount of vision will often satisfy curious passers by and dispel the myth that blindness means a person can see nothing. "I'd rather not discuss that right now," is also an acceptable response, particularly when you need assistance and the person from whom you are seeking it would prefer to ask questions which do not relate to providing the assistance. I learned this in a very painful way one Sunday morning at church when a greeter began asking where to obtain reading material in Braille without welcoming me to the church. I was attending the church for the first time and was feeling especially vulnerable because I did not know anyone there. I regretted later that I had not informed the greeter that I needed assistance in getting acquainted with the building and the members and would rather discuss blindness later.
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable with people. If someone's question causes you to become upset, your vulnerability may help the person to understand the need for sensitivity in approaching a person with questions or in how the questions are asked. It may also help the person to understand your need for privacy or your refusal to discuss an issue.Leave yourself time after an outing to do something relaxing and show respect for your own feelings and needs. Sometimes diverting your attention from a situation may be best. At other times giving yourself permission to release your emotions in a healthy way is best. In any case, caring for yourself is a vital part of coping with public attitudes.
Build a strong support system and use it when necessary. Building a good support system is important because you can draw strength from knowing you do not face things alone. Using your support system effectively is important because it ensures that your support system will be able to give you what you need.
Coping with public attitudes will enable you to educate others about blindness more effectively as well as feel more confident and comfortable with yourself.
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