We got the dogs Monday afternoon. Mine is a black Labrador retriever named Dori. I fell in love with her the instant I met her. I don't remember that happening with Elli. I've been having a lot of problems with comparing Dori to Elli. It's not that I don't like Dori. I love Dori! That's part of the problem. But Dori's personality is completely different from Elli's. She's not nearly as playful--not in the way that Elli is. She's more of a cuddly, snuggly dog. I don't remember feeling so excited on the day I got Elli. Sometimes when I play with Dori, I feel guilty because I never played with Elli that way. I know this is a problem that I will have to deal with. I just didn't know how to deal with it.
Yesterday after supper, I saw Lukas Frank. He was my instructor when I got Elli. I was correcting Dori for sniffing. He said, "Someone trained that dog well," and walked with me down the hall. He asked me how I liked Dori.
"She's awesome," I said, "but I feel guilty saying that."
"Why?" he asked. "Elli's awesome, too. Elli's old and awesome. Dori's young and awesome. You're young and awesome, and you need a dog who's young and awesome. God designed this so you could enjoy more than one dog. So if you feel guilty, you talk to God."
I slept on it. This morning, I woke up and realized that he's right. Elli was a wonderful girl. Elli is a wonderful girl. And so is Dori. But if I allow my guilt about things that happened incorrectly or didn't happen at all with Elli to control my relationship with Dori, I'll be in bad shape from the start. So somehow, I must start allowing myself the freedom to enjoy Dori fully. This is a chance for me to start over. I didn't not enjoy Elli on purpose. I was young; I was frightened; I was inexperienced. To be completely honest, I wasn't entirely sure I was going to like this dog when I got her. I wanted to, and I tried very hard to. Elli went through some very hard times with me. She did the best she could, and so did I. Perhaps I was too stressed to enjoy Elli as she was. I didn't enjoy much of anything during those times. I focused on Elli's faults because I focused on the faults in myself. Elli had to be perfect because Elli was a reflection on me.
So I can't let my guilt about Elli control my relationship with Dori. On the other hand, I also need to guard against unrealistic expectations of perfection. Dori and I are both fallible. We will both make mistakes. I will fail to praise when praise is due. I will correct when correction is not needed. I will overcorrect when all that is needed is a slight reprimand. And I will have to apologize to Dori. However, I cannot let these possibilities control my relationship with Dori either. I must be aware but not afraid. Fear creates distance, and Dori doesn't need me to be distant.
When I started keeping this journal, I had intended to describe a typical day in training. I wish to do that here because this journal seems to be taking a slightly different turn than I expected it to. I wanted it to be a realistic view of training. I guess it still is. It just isn't what I thought it would be.
At 5:30 AM, one of the instructors announces over an intercom that it is time to get up. Shortly thereafter, the instructors bring bowls of dog food to our doors. The dogs have been on chains which are hooked to the wall beside our beds all night. We feed them here at this spot. Then we give them three glasses of water and take them out to "park". This is the Seeing Eye's term for doing their business.
Park time can be one of the most frustrating aspects of training because the dogs aren't used to relieving themselves on a schedule. This is important because they must be able to control their relieving habits while they are working. The schedule allows them several opportunities for relieving during the day. Sometimes it can take the dogs some time to get used to the schedule, but Dori seems to be settling in. I am very happy about this.
Breakfast is at 7:00. I use the time between park time and breakfast to shower and take all of my medications.
The first trip is at 7:45. Each instructor takes two trips into town each morning and two more in the afternoon to work with students. Two or three students go on each trip. The second trip usually begins around 9:30. The time when I am not on a trip is free time for me to use as I please. I used yesterday's time to take a nap since I did not sleep well during Dori's first night in the room. She cried a little bit. I was anxious and had stayed up too late.
The dogs get another park time at 11:00. After this park time, we get ready for lunch. Lunch is moderately formal. We are asked to wear something such as we would wear to work or church because often people come in who are touring and who may be potential employers.
After lunch, there are two trips: one beginning at 1:00 and the other at about 2:30. The afternoon feeding and park time is at 4:30. Supper is at 5:15.
After supper, there is usually a lecture or a small group discussion. The final park time is at 8:00. After this, we are free to do as we please. Many people go to bed. Some do other things before going to bed. I've been down to the technology center a couple of times to check my email. One night I played the piano for a while. Last night I decided to just relax in bed and read a book. There is an abundance of reading material here, some of which I have brought up to my room.
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