compiled by Sarah
Much information is available to help survivors of trauma cope with their ordeal. Treatments abound for helping them develop effective coping techniques. Family members and friends may want to provide support but are often left in the dark due to oversight or the survivor's fears. The information on this page is here to help family members and friends provide support during difficult times.
One of the greatest fears that trauma survivors have is the fear of certain messages which may be spoken or implied, even by people who mean well. These include but are not limited to:
The occasional concocted story of abuse and recovered memories does a lot to reinforce this fear. These stories have become very popular with professionals and others who cannot understand or bear to acknowledge the reality of trauma experienced by some individuals. I have to admit that in my own years of participating in the survivor community I have heard stories which sounded a bit too detailed and met people who I believed were more paranoid than survivors. However, I myself am a survivor, and I am acutely aware of how painful this accusation can be. I am fully aware of the issues surrounding recovered memories, multiple personalities, etc. There are times when I find that my opinions are best kept to myself. I may not be the right person to provide support regarding a situation which I cannot bring myself to believe.
Most survivors tend to doubt the accuracy of their own memories. I have asked my parents on several occasions for information regarding some of my memories. On some occasions they have recounted events to me, including the precise details I recalled and helped me to realize that my memories are not made up for the purpose of gaining attention. On other occasions, they have admitted not remembering. In these cases I must decide for myself what I believe is true about the memories.
If the subject of repressed memory confuses you, I encourage you to study it carefully. Learn about how memory works and how people respond to trauma. Trust your friend or family member enough to talk with him/her and find out what he/she is facing and how you can help. Be sure to keep in mind that you have the right to refuse to do something with which you are not comfortable. Above all, acknowledge the reality of your friend or family member's feelings.
Dissociation and the Fragmentary Nature of Traumatic Memories
This is an article discussing the results of a study of how traumatic events were remembered by 46 individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder. It sheds light on the reasons for and nature of dissociation as well as the types of memories a person can experience.
Childhood Trauma and Neurobiology
This article examines the effects of trauma on the brain and what this means for a child's life.
"You're too sensitive" is most often communicated when a person doesn't want to take responsibility or acknowledge an action which has caused another person's pain or when someone feels that another person is overreacting to a "trivial" situation. If something which was said causes pain, it is important to take responsibility for what was said or for being unaware of the impact it would have. It is also important to educate yourself about the issues involved so that you can help your friend or family member develop more understanding and emotional tolerance.
The Highly Sensitive Person
This book is not necessarily written for survivors, but it is an excellent resource regarding the topic of emotional sensitivity and how to turn something which can seem quite negative into a positive experience.
No Visible Wounds
Many cruel behaviors are not recognized in this society as abusive. When I read this book, I became quite upset but also realized that I had allowed myself to be abused by others without even realizing it or caring. The book is written with spouses or sexual partners in mind, but the concepts are applicable to other relationships as well.
This message is most often communicated when friends and family members are feeling stress about dealing with the same issues ofer a long period of time or don't understand the impact of or reason for a traumatic event. Survivors of trauma often have difficulty in moving on with life because of intrusive thoughts, feelings or memories which they do not know how to control. A well-meaning person may try to distract the survivor or encourage her to "just go on to something else," but without adequate coping strategies such advice will be received as uncaring messages.
A Grief Observed
This look into the experience of a person grieving the loss of a loved one provides a frighteningly vivid picture of what some survivors of traumatic loss face. Traumas take a long time to "get over"--if "getting over them" is even the right term to use.
The following resources address specific situations and strategies for handling them. Prepare yourself, and you'll be ready to help your friend or family member achieve a new level of success in dealing with trauma.
Love Is a Choice: Recovery for Codependent Relationships
The authors of this book contend that problems brought into a relationship by one person become the problems of both people. The effects of different kinds of abuse are discussed.
The rest of this site is also designed to help you and your friend or family member to learn about dissociation and recovery.